On June 30, authorities rescued sixteen children, ages 18 months to 18 years, from their abusive parents and grandparents. The situation was described as "beyond comprehension," and at least one child was reportedly near death.
As a mom, my heart breaks. As a woman who once found herself in an abusive relationship, I also couldn't help but wonder about the children's mother, Elizabeth. Married at fifteen, she may have been a victim as well. I would never compare my experience with an abusive boyfriend that I describe in my book Intuitive Certainty to hers. Still, the patterns now emerging in the investigation are sadly familiar.
According to news reports, Elizabeth was forced to live in isolation. She reportedly wasn't allowed to have a cell phone or social media accounts and had little contact with the outside world.
Isolation is one of the oldest tactics in an abuser's playbook. It doesn't usually begin by cutting someone off overnight. Instead, it happens gradually.
● Phone calls with family become interruptions.
● Friends are criticized or portrayed as bad influences.
● Constant questions about where you are and who you're with are disguised as concern. Before long, the people who could offer perspective are no longer part of your daily life.
Having experienced manipulation firsthand, I've learned that abuse is rarely recognizable at the beginning. It hides behind charm, apologies, promises to change, and behavior that at first you want to excuse until a pattern emerges.
I hope that by sharing these patterns, someone will recognize them sooner and find the courage to seek help before it's too late.